We have accepted that confidence is something external, something we acquire through achievements, status and social recognition. We believe that the more we do the right thing, in order to be the right thing, the more validation we receive, the better we feel about ourselves, and the more our confidence grows. We have been taught that confidence is earned, it is built on what we do and measured against the achievements of others. So deeply held is this belief, it is an ingrained foundation that shapes our education systems, workplaces and personal relationships. Our confidence is tethered to what is external, setting us at the mercy of the ever-changing world around us. But what if this entire view is flawed? What if confidence is not gained from what we do, but rather from being what we truly are?
The Illusion of Earned Confidence
If we accept the traditional view that we are born an empty vessel, waiting to be filled up and made worthy by the world of achievements and experience, then we accept that we must constantly strive in the world, in order to become something of value. Hence, the reason people chase degrees, promotions and external recognition, expecting that stockpiling these will result in increased confidence. The more we have, the more confidence we gain. And yet, too many of our most accomplished and awarded scholars, industry leaders and skilled professionals still feel unworthy, insecure, suffer imposter syndrome, and even see themselves so worthless as to consider suicide.
The problem is with the foundational assumption of this model, it relies on external factors that are ever-changing, often in ways beyond our control. No matter how competent or skilled we become, there will always be another who is more, performs better, achieves greater success, and receives greater recognition.
If we tether how we feel about ourselves to these external markers, then our foundation of worth is inherently fragile. Even if we toughen up ourselves enough to develop a thick skin, it never entirely shields us from the sting of rejection. This is not true confidence.
What if we were to start with a different foundation; remove the assumption that confidence is something we must strive for, and instead, realise it to be something we already have. Confidence is not a skill we acquire, but it is presence with something, a quality, we have always been.
Confidence is Conscious Presence
True confidence is not about what we know, what we have, or how others perceive us. It is about being consciously present — our mind and body moving together, aligned. Confidence is not about steeling ourselves to be fearless, protecting ourselves from potential harm; it is about being connected and authentic, without fragmentation, without the need for external validation. It is a state of being without force or pretense.
Imagine a child learning to walk. They do not wait to feel ‘confident’ before taking their first steps. They do not wonder if they look foolish or if others approve. They simply move, adjust, and continue. Their presence is more than enough. There is no self-consciousness, no hesitation, no seeking permission. This is confidence in its purest form—uncomplicated, effortless, and whole.
As we grow, we are conditioned away from this inherent state of confidence. We learn to compare ourselves with others. We become preoccupied with approval and performance. We chase who we think we need to become, by doing what we think will elevate us into something of worth. This increasingly separates us from our bodies, focusing on achieving an ideal, analysing instead of experiencing by being present. This disconnection creates a gulf between what we are and what we are striving to be, the perfect invitation to insecurity, anxiety, and self-doubt—not because we lack confidence, but because we have abandoned presence.
Reclaiming Conscious Presence – The Foundations to Unshakeable Confidence
If confidence is presence, then the way to restore it is not through more achievements or external validation. It is through returning to yourself—fully, consciously, in every moment. This requires a shift in awareness, being conscious of bringing mind and body into harmony. Here’s how:
1. Stop Seeking, Start Noticing
Instead of looking for confidence outside of yourself, notice where and when you already feel at ease. Reflect on moments where you have felt most yourself—whether it was during a deep conversation, a walk, or doing something at work. Rather than making the sole focus what you do, bring awareness to the quality of how you do things.
2. Cultivate the Art of Being Here
Presence is not passive—it is an active, engaged state. The more you practice being fully in your body, the more natural confidence becomes. This can be as simple as noticing your breath, being consciously aware of it moving from a hard, heavy or shallow breath, to a more light, gentle and natural breath. Notice the way your feet touch the ground, or how your body feels in different situations. Instead of intellectualising what is taking place in and around you, be open to feeling it, and present to the messaging from your body.
3. Listen to the Body’s Messages
Your body constantly communicates with you—through sensations, tensions, reactions and responses. When you are not present, these messages go unheard. Anxiety, self-doubt, or discomfort are often signals of disconnection rather than inadequacy. Instead of trying to ‘fix’ these feelings, bring your awareness to them. Ask yourself: I wonder why I am feeling this way? This simple question is already a movement of your attention back towards you. You may worry that this encourages navel-gazing – too much focus on ‘self’. Practice it and you will find that rather than it encouraging self-indulgence, it is a step towards taking responsibility for how you respond in a situation, by being present, in the moment, with what is taking place. Responsibility for our actions and expression are foundational to unshakeable confidence.
4. Engage Without Performance
One of the greatest barriers to confidence is the belief that we must always ‘perform’ for others—needing to say the right thing, appear a certain way, meet the expectations we believe others have. True presence means engaging without pretense. It means allowing yourself to be rather than trying to become. Confidence is not the loudest voice in the room; it is the most present one.
5. Connect Before and During Important Moments
Before entering challenging or high-stakes situations—meetings, conversations, presentations—take a moment to connect. Notice your breath at the tip of your nostrils. Breathe gently, through your nose. Feel the weight of your body in your feet. Remember that confidence is not about proving anything; it is about being with yourself fully. Your mind and body moving as one. Consciously present.
The Freedom of True Confidence
When confidence is based on achievement, it is conditional. It fluctuates with success and failure. It is disharmonious. When confidence is presence, it is consistent in quality. It is harmonious. It does not depend on validation, expertise, or control. It is simply the act of being what you truly are, and living it consistently.
This is why some of the most “successful” people still suffer from deep insecurity—because their confidence was built on striving to become someone of value rather than being present, in appreciation of their inherent value. And this is why some of the most unassuming individuals radiate an undeniable strength—because they are fully themselves, authentic, without need of external approval.
If you have ever felt like confidence is something you lack, consider that it may not be missing at all. It may simply be waiting for you to return to yourself, re-connect and reclaim an inner quality that has never left you, never been tarnished, nor taken away. Confidence is not something you achieve. It is the state of being when your mind and body move as one, when you exist without the need to prove, when you stand in your presence. It is something you unfold forth. And in that moment, confidence is not just possible—it is inevitable.
